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So everyone but Brian showed up.  No blue elf.  A new player, Andy did come.  Andy fits in well with the group, as you shall see later.

The first thing Andy asks is “what type of character does the party need?”  Oh, no, not one of those.  Trying to help out…  DCC is all about randomness.  Andy pretty quickly got into the swing of things, and seemed to like the random nature of the game.

So Andy rolled up a dwarf.  He seemed to like his dwarf.  It was kind of problematic for Jeremy.  After all, Jeremy wanted to play a dwarf, but instead got stuck with a halfling, which he uses a dwarf mini to represent.

So the adventure continued on from last week.  I gave a synopsis of the previous week, for Andy’s benefit, to which most of the party disagreed with my assessment of what happened last week.  But then, I am the DM, and I write the blog, which means that after a few weeks, only my written word will be remembered!  err, we agreed that some things may have been mis-characterized in my recitation of the previous week…

So that party members left behind everything they did last week, and looked around.  There were many things to choose from.  They decided to go to an obelisk that they could see through the fog.  As they approached, they noticed that there was a bell at the top, and there were different grades of strong man painted at different heights on the obelisk.

Image result for strong man game

So Daron walks up, picks up the hammer, and wacks the base.  He rings the bell, and a door opens on the prize cabinet, and out pops a nice stuffed bunny.  It is actually a pretty well used stuffed bunny.  It has been stitched together a whole bunch of times…  The ears don’t quite match.  The eyes are different sized and colored buttons made up its eyes…  Daron loved it.

Loren says “That’s Easy!” and goes over and whacks the hammer, but doesn’t ring the bell.  In fact, she didn’t come close to ring the bell.  Then everyone saw Loren disappear.  Loren found her head looking down from where the bell was.  Everyone made a willpower save… and Jason and Eric didn’t make it, so they all ran over and tried to ring the bell.  They all succeeded.  Very nicely, knocking Loren on the chin for lots of damage in the process.  Eric got a monkey that had cymbals.  Jason got a package of sneezing powder.

The party then went to a fortune telling machine.

Image result for fortune telling machine

The party argued about what coin to put in the slot… A gold… a silver maybe.  Nope, Mike decided that a copper would do finely.  So Mike (very cheap Mike, now that he is retired, and on a fixed income) puts a copper into the slot and the fortune teller starts moving.  She picks up a tarot card, it bursts in flames and the ashes swirl around the crystal ball, and everyone sees what is in the ball…

They see a huge field with happy children  playing.  The entire landscape is candy.  The children are playing, eating candy, and having a wonderful time.  Now Jason, being the type of adventurer that he is, says “see they are all happy, we should leave them”, to which they observe several children disappear.  The other children look around, confused, then go back to eating candy and playing, not interested in what happened to the newly disappeared children.

Now, I wish I could say that the children poofed out of existence.  But no, there was a pink mist, with bones flying all around.  It was right out of a Sam Peckinpah movie.

Now only Mike and I knew who Sam Peckinpah was, let along remembered the Monty Python episode of Salad Days…

After that, Loren came back down with the party, and didn’t see much humor in it.  Not much at all.  The party decided to wander off and look into one of the tents.  The tent was a penny arcade.  But before they could get in, Andy had to go back and try the strong man thing…  He swung, and really botched it.  He found his disembodied head at the top of the strong man obelisk and then Loren and Jason didn’t make their will power save.  Loren smacked the hammer.  She hit the bell / Andy’s chin, and the prize door opened up, and got a clown nose.  Jason did the same, and got a jar with 10 gumballs.

Now all of the prizes may seem a little lame, but they are actually good, and all have something beyond the basic look of the prize… in other words, they are all magical, as long as you know how to use them.

The party then goes back to the tent with the penny arcade.  They pass a bunch of interesting things, and come upon a cotton candy machine.  Mike takes out a copper, feeds it into the machine, and the machine starts spinning around, whipping up the cotton candy.

OK, I was going to show a picture of the stuffing machine that Build A Bear has in their stores, and when I looked at Google for pictures of Build A Bear, this popped up.

Image result for build a bear

I am just going to say it.  This is fucking wrong.  Now a bear as Scotty, or Kirk.. well maybe not Kirk, since Kirk bear would be taking his shirt off and trying to get it on with all of the other bears…  But really, a Spock Bear?  Really.  Fuck no.  Just fucking fuck no for fuck’s sake.  Fuck this fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Now that I have this out of my system, I can continue on… maybe.  Geez, I still have to look at that fucking picture of Leonard Nebear…

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fuck no

fucking fuck fucker not

OK, it is off my screen.  I won’t need to see that bullshit until I go back and edit this.  Who the fuck comes up with this bullshit anyway?  What asshole at Buildabear workshop corporate headquarters really thought that this is a good idea?  First Gene Roddenberry ruins every even numbered Star Trek movie by trying to … I don’t know what Gene was doing.

Enough…  OK.

I got sidetracked… again.

I was talking about something.  Let me scroll up and see where I left off.

Ah shit.  I just saw the Leonard NeBear again…

OK, so Mike gets the cotton candy.  He eats it, and it is good.  He feels a sugar rush.  He will get a +2 to all rolls for the next encounter… then he goes into a sugar low…

Daron thinks this is a pretty good idea.  He walks up and puts in his copper.  Now the rules said that every subsequent person who puts in a quarter has an increasing 20% chance that a cotton candy mimic will attack.  Well, that should mean that person 2 has a 20% chance, person 3 has a 40% chance etc.  Well, I rolled  a 15.  Which meant that a fluffy cotton candy monster crashed through the glass, destroying the machine, grappling Daron.

Image result for cotton candy monster

Now that would be an awesome Build A Bear…  Have it’s little heart roar in fury, or say “I am going to put your Spock Build A Bear Out Of Its MISERY!”

Anyhow, the cotton candy monster lands on Daron.  Daron takes it like a true fighter… He takes damage from the slam attack, followed by the constriction.  Now the fight went on for a long time.  The adventure is really meant for 4 players, and there were 9 in the party… so it was tough.  Throughout the fight several things of note occurred.

  1. Spock Bear did not appear.  Thankfully.
  2. Mike got swiped at by the cotton candy monster and was hurt.
  3. Daron died several times, mostly with the help of Andy
  4. Eric claimed both of the copper pieces which came out of the ruined machine
    1. note this was done before the monster was killed
  5. Andy tried to “help” (I think that is what Andy called it), and ended up really hurting Daron several times with his main weapon and shield bash.
    1. I think he was really tying to see if he could hurt the cotton candy monstersee bullet 3 above.
  6. Summer got harshed.  Really harshed.
  7. Matthew used his rope trick spell and tied onto Summer’s legs, and pulled her imobile, unconcious corpse out of the tent.
  8. Mike tried to get away.  Far away
  9. Loren tried to save, turn evil, turn undead… anything.
  10. Then… Jeremy.

Eventually, the party killed off the monster.  But not before Jeremy decided to climb up to near the roof, take down one of the lanterns, and throw it at the cotton candy monster… while the monster was still attacking and holding onto Daron.  Now, I was trying to figure out what to do if Jeremy had succeeded.  Thankfully for the party, Jeremy really missed badly.  He missed super badly, Imagine that he tried to throw the lantern forward, and instead threw it sideways instead… that kind of badly.  That started the tent on fire.

With Summer down, the party retreated away from the vanquished cotton candy beast.

Image result for cotton candy burning animated gif

Now the clerics had to make their salary.  They healed as best as they could.

The Party wanted to know what to do next.  The sickly sweet carmelizing and then burned smell of the cotton candy monster, mixed with all of the rest of the lead and phosporous based paint burning made them move back to a safe distance.  Where to go next?

Behind them was a large slide.  At the top was a laughing jester.  There was even nine tracks to slide down, one for each party member

Image result for evil slide

Jason and Andy decided to wait this one out.  So far, the “fun” rides hadn’t been terribly fun.  They kind of sucked.  A lot.  The rest of the party got to the top, and found that just out of reach was a large ring, with a set of keys on it.  The sides of the ride had pictures of kids grabbing keys as they rode the slide down.  Eric finds a box full of carpet scraps, and rides the box down trying to snag the keys on the way.  He misses the keys, but finds that as he descends the slide, small ultra sharp blades come out of the slide and snag the box, sending him tumbling down 30 feet of slide through a maze of small razor blades, getting cut from head to tow.

“Ah HA!” says Loren.  And she decides to go back down the stairs… But then, not.  The stairs are blocked off with a gout of flame, and the enormous happy jester face at the top of the ride takes on a hideous evil look as flames come out, and the Jester starts spewing vile smelling odors.  The party has a simple choice.

  1. Jump off, and fall 50-ft at 1d6 damage per 10 ft fallen
  2. Ride the slides down through the field of small razor blades
  3. Burn to death.

Hey, I don’t make this stuff up.  I leave that for others.  I just run the game !!!

Down the slide they go.  Several party members try for the keys, only Jason gets them.  Some party members are uninjured, most are not.

More healing from the clerics.

So the Party is willing to move on.  Somewhere in this awful place, there must be children.  They see a tent with stuffed animals.  The animals appear to be looking at Mike.  Not creepy at all, right?

So the party goes into the tent.  The inside of the tent seems a lot larger than the outside could make it.  They walk for a long time, the animals just keep going.

Image result for aisles of stuffed animals

Finally, they reach the end.  And you know what.  There was not a single Leonard Nebear anywhere in the place. So it must not be evil.

At the center of the tent in the center of all of the rows of stuffed animals, is a small girl, having a tea party for her animals.  When the party enters the center, she greets them and asks them to join the party.  There is no real food at the table, everything is make believe, until they sit down.  Then all of the food and drinks are real.

The Party asks lots of questions, and the girl answers as best as she can.  She says that she has been trapped in the tent and can not leave.  They ask her how long, she replies “many children”.  Now that seems odd to the party, except from her perspective children come and go, and that is her ticker for a clock.

She doesn’t know where the children are, but she gives her prize teddy to Jeremy.  The bear’s name is Tiddlefinks, and he can shrug, point and smile, but that is about it.

No idea.

So the party goes out, and continues on to another tent, where they hear crying.  Inside the tent is a bearded lady, who has been cursed for her sins against the Laughing God.  Now that makes Loren angry.  Really angry.  She leaves, since she can’t be in a location where her god has cursed a person.

Now the party is in the process of trying to figure out what the bearded lady is all about, and then Daron.

Yup, then Daron.

He slashes at her with his sword.  When asked why, he says, that it was inevitable that they would fight, so he just wanted to get right to the battle.  Now, in all fairness, there were ample ways that this encounter could have ended without bloodshed.  But not with Daron there.  He wanted a kill.

Image result for horror story tea party

So Kathy, err Constance’s beard parts into six hairy ropes and the ropes attack while Constance cackles with glee.  The hairy ropes slap and grab Daron and several other party members.  Daron dies again.  This time, Andy doesn’t help the enemy, instead the entire party kills off the bearded lady.  It was kind of sad, but then Loren just clucked, and said that she got what she deserved…