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Back by popular demand, we played D&D with goblins again.  Zombicide is fun, but you can’t really be your inner 12 year old when you play Zombicide.  An open sand box adventure which allows you to be goblins is much better for this group, evidently.  I am not sure what everyone else at Dice Age thought, as we carried on loudly in one corner of the store.  Maybe Roy is starting to think about expanding to give some private rooms?

But that isn’t important.  We had fun, and if everyone else didn’t, that is their problem.  After all, we are goblins, and goblins have little or no empathy for others, right?

The adventure started right where it left off a few weeks ago.  The goblin party found a wall.  It was very nicely painted to look like another part of the forest they were in, and in the gloom, they would not have seen it if they were more than 5 or 10 feet from it.  Now a “normal” D&D adventure party would have probably done the following.

  • Fighter – hit it with a weapon, and then stopped.
  • Wizard – wasted a powerful spell or two, trying to figure out what the wall was.
  • Cleric – prayed for guidance, then later prayed for divine intervention
  • Rogue – steal gold from the cleric while the cleric was praying.
  • Bard – started writing a song that the player would never actually sing

And then the party would have moved on.  Game time at the table, 5 minutes.

But this was goblins.  This was also a group of players who seem to really enjoy playing goblins.  Instead, the party did the following, which I am sure is not a complete recitation of the groups efforts, nor in proper order.

  • Climb a tree, looking for the top of the wall (the wall went all the way up to the low cloud level, way higher than the top of the tree)
  • Climb another tree, hoping for a different result.
  • Try to dig under, but give up after about 8 inches… it was kind of hard to dig below the leaf litter, and the goblin lost interest pretty quickly.
  • Lick wall
  • Poke wall with various things, bones, sticks, fingers
  • Hammer on the wall with weapons, but it was solid.
  • Try to stand on each other’s shoulders to see if they could get over the wall
  • Try to convince each other that they should create a giant sling out of a tree, and launch the lightest goblin over the wall
  • Try to convince the lightest goblin that the strongest goblin could throw her over the wall.
  • Scratch the wall, which paid dividends… the paint flecked off, and they saw a shiny metal surface behind the paint
    • That left the party busy for quite a while trying to figure out if they could dig through the metal of the wall.  This dulled several sharpened sticks, bone and stone blades, etc.
  • Bicker
  • Fight
  • Insult each other
  • Use the dog guts to paint a Wylie Coyote style tunnel entrance into the wall, then try to walk through the tunnel.  Failing that, trying to convince the others that they should run at the dog gut painted tunnel entrance.

There were likely lots of other things that occurred, but at some point, my brain stops logging the pandemonium occurring at the table.  It is kind of like watching Pokemon cartoons.  At some point, the brain simply shuts down, because the eyes and ears are on overload, and the brain must turn off to save itself from permanent insanity, or worse.

Have you ever watched Pokemon cartoons?  My kids got into the Pokemon card game when they were 8 or 9.  The game looked interesting.  There was a lot of strategy, and a lot of room to try a huge number of possible methods of play.  I started reading the rules, and going through the cards to figure out what could be done.

Then I made my mistake.

I watched a part of a Pokemon cartoon with my kids.  It was so bad that I permanently swore off any Pokemon play ever.  The cartoon was hideous, but the kids loved it.

Now here is an important distinction.  I grew up in the 1970’s watching cartoons.  If you remove the “really good” cartoons, like Star Blazers, Looney Toons, (Looney Tunes?), and that type of “sorta good” cartoon, then you pull aside the 2nd rate “almost good” cartoons like Wally Gator, Scooby Doo, and the type, Saturday morning cartoons were horrible.

Take the 1974 Saturday morning TV lineup.  I was 7.  The choices were things like:

  • Partridge Family 2200 AD
  • Valey of the Dinosaurs
  • Shazam!
  • Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine
  • Sigmund and the Sea Monsters (ok, I love anything from Sid and Marty Krofft, so this doesn’t belong here in the list of extra smelly crap)

For example:

Need I say more?  Regardless of whether or not I need to say more, I will continue…

In 1975, there was shit like the Shazam! – ISIS hour and other crap

Now there were some awesome things also, like The Land of the Lost.  Well, actually, that is a lot better trying to remember how good it was than actually watching it for real.  Kind of like watching Speed Buggy, Jabberjaw, Hong Kong Fooey, or any of the Sid and Marty Krofft shows.  They were cool way back when, but on revisiting as an adult… wow, they are crap that stinks on ice.

A few months ago, MeTV started showing reruns of the 1970’s show, Wonder Woman.  Now previously, they started showing Airwolf.  I thought, Wow, when I was 10, I liked Airwolf.  As an adult, Airwolf sucked.  Now I understand why my parents left the room when my brother and I watched Airwolf.  Anyhow, I liked Wonder Woman when I was prepubescent.  After all, Linda Carter, running in that outfit…  err. sorry.  So I tried watching the reruns last year.  Wow.  Even though Linda Carter wore the outfit, and she wore it well, the show was awful.  I couldn’t make it far enough into the first episode to continue watching the crap that was stuck on the inside of my screen.  Even with the promise of seeing Linda Carter in her Wonder Woman outfit wasn’t enough to keep watching.  I couldn’t even bother to fast forward to the outfit scenes.  Kind of like when I went to see the movie Species.  There was a point when Natasha Henstridge did a full frontal nude shot.  The movie was so bad (and not in a good way), that the teenage kids in the theater lost interest by the time Natasha took off her top.  Airwolf and Wonder Woman were Species type of bad.

I had no idea that the cartoons of my childhood were so bad, until I started going back and trying to watch some of them.  For instance, here is one gem from my childhood, Three Robonic Stooges

Now, I love the three stooges.  Shemp is my absolute favorite.  Curly, Moe and Larry are awesome also.  I even watch Joe Besser and Joe DeRita, and enjoy those.  But that travesty is too much, and should be required viewing for anyone involved in either the Star Wars or Star Trek franchises, as examples of what happens when you need to fill 30 minutes of dead air space, and you are out of ideas.  Sometimes, it is ok to make a 90 minute movie, instead of a 120 minute movie.  If you don’t have enough good stuff to fill the entire 2 hours, go for what you got.  That would mean that the Phantom Menace would be 3 minutes long, and the final script for Star Trek Nemesis would have been burned in a trash barrel, and the writer would have been sent to live the rest of his unnatural life in a real life Castaway on an island, where he had to make friends with Wilson the volley ball for the rest of his life as punishment for his crimes against humanity.

And if you don’t believe me about Nemesis, here is one particularly glowing review of the movie.

To revisit ‘Star Trek: Nemesis’ is to realize exactly why the franchise lay dormant for so long. This isn’t just a bad movie (there have been plenty of those in this series), this is a disaster, an epic miscalculation of awfulness. Written and directed by people who know little about ‘Star Trek’ and obviously didn’t take the time to learn, ‘Nemesis’ is a lifeless bore that spits in the face of fans at every opportunity. Want to see the 62 year old captain of the Enterprise duel wielding phasers like a John Woo character? Want to see the loyal and responsible Enterprise crew gleefully shatter the Prime Directive in the first fifteen minutes of the movie? Want to see a fan favorite character needlessly sacrifice himself for dramatic effect? The only interesting thing about ‘Star Trek: Nemesis’ is the performance by a young Tom Hardy, which is so bad that it’s hard to believe that he’s actually, you know, Tom Hardy.

But my point is that all of this crap that I watched when I was a kid was way better than Pokemon.  Watching 5 minutes of a Pokemon cartoon literally shut my brain down.  My eyes hurt.  My ears ached.  I got a horrible pain in the front of my head.  I started to panic, and look for any way to exit the room, to get away from the squealing horror of Pikachu.

Now, this is a whole lot better.  Adult Swim knows how to turn things on their heads.

I never got the Wonder Twins.  They actually made it so that I wouldn’t watch the Superfriends.  The Wonder Twins were inane, and that was what a 7 year old me thought.  I love things that are absurd and surreal, things like Monty Python, the Young Ones, Sid and Marty Croft…  But things that are just plain basal stupidity really don’t sit well with me.

OK, back to the blog.  My point is that after an extended period of time of mass hysteria, my brain shuts down, and I stop taking in new information, so if I missed any of the shenanigans of the party and the wall, you now understand why.

So after a while, the party decided to move on.  Actually, Brian decided to move on first.  He seems to want to be the goblin with the ideas.

While the rest of the party was deep into shenanigans, Brian leaves and goes looking for the next thing.  He walks along the wall for a while, and finds a stream, the water is murky, and is moving right to the wall.  The painted wall looks like the stream keeps going.  The stream ends at the wall.  There is no widening of the stream, but Brian does notice that there are some leaves swirling around and there is a current in the water.  Brian goes swimming to look where the water is going.  He finds that there is a grate that is about 4-ft X 4-ft with large holes in it at the bottom of the stream, and the water appears to be going through the grate.

Brian tries to lift the grate, but it is about 4-inches thick.

Now, stupid me, I think that this will stop the party from trying to get into the water system, since of course that was not the way I intended the party to proceed.  Like I said, stupid me.

So Brian goes back to the party.  About this time, the goblins are scraping the paint off the wall, looking at the shiny metal under the paint, trying to figure out how to cut their way through the wall, maybe they are simply defacing the wall, I am not sure.

Brian convinces the party to get back to the adventure.  Here is where Brian appears to not understand the nature of the rest of the goblins in the party.  They are there to have fun by causing chaos and do things that are goblinish.  There are no “leaders” in charge, so the goblins tend to mill around and break stuff until they get bored then move on.

Brian has this idea that they will continue on and find out what the next thing will be.  Brian wants to get to the meat of the adventure.  Everyone else in the party seems to think that the exploration of their inner goblinishness is the adventure meat. It makes for an interesting dynamic.  I am not complaining, or anything like that, I am just noticing different personalities in the group.

So the party follows Brian and goes to the stream.  The goblins poke around for a short while.  A few goblins go down into the stream and try to move the grate, which is too heavy.  The water is over 6-ft deep, so it is quite a trick for them to try to swim around and not get caught in the undertow.

After a while the goblins see a very large creature approaching them.

chuul

Now, the goblins don’t recognize this as a monster, since it doesn’t look like traditional monsters like:

phbrac

So with the goblins not seeing a monster in the lobster thing coming at them, they greet the lobster thing.  Brian was playing his inner bard / goblin (barblin?)  Once the lobster thing came along, Brian hightailed it to the other side of the stream, and hid among the bushes and trees, to see what ends up happening.  Now Brian may be channeling his inner bard, making sure that someone survives the encounter, so the tales of the heroes can be told, even if the heroes don’t live through the encounter.

Alternately, Brian is channeling his inner rogue.  He may want to see what all the big lobster guy eats, then follow it around for a few days to pick up all the good things that are pooped out.

The rest of the goblins, not sensing any danger, watch the lobster thing come closer.  Collin sends Spitz over to attack.  Spitz attacks and his stone dagger bounces off the lobster thing’s carapace.  The lobster thing grabs Spitz with two claws, and pulls Spitz apart, turning one end over, the lobster thing sucks the juice out of Spitz’s top half, then enjoys a meal of goblin meat, rather like the instructional video below.

None of the goblins seem to mind that Spitz was eaten alive.

Then Sue has an ideal.  She sends one of her goblins to smear rotten meat with juice on Eric, to see if that will attract the lobster thing to her unsworn enemy.  Eric stabs the goblin, killing it (I think that Eric chortled a few times after murdering the goblin, but I am not sure).  The lobster thing grabs the stabbed goblin, and pulls its head off, and sucks the juice out, then eats the meat.

Sue, undaunted, tries to stabilize her newly dead goblin minion.  Sue isn’t sure, but she is pretty convinced that the minion was unhappy with the outcome of this situation.

Shari has a great idea.  Take the cloak which transports the wearer to a random plane, and put it on the lobster thing and tap its shoulder!  It will work awesomely!  That is it will work awesomely, if the dice rolls well.

So Shari takes the cloak, leaps up onto the lobster thing, and rolls a 1 on her acrobatics roll.  The lobster thing is missed completely, and Shari ends up all wet.  Now, everyone else sees Shari leap into the air, exactly the opposite direction of the lobster thing, and the cloak wraps around her, and she falls into the stream, but Shari then tries to figure out what happened.  She says “what happened?”.  I say, roll on perception.  Another 1.  She is in the cloak, wet, and it is dark.  Shari says “I have darkvision what do I see?”  I respond, you see the silky inside of the cloak, and it is dark and wet.

So Shari tries to struggle with the cloak to figure out what happened.  Even the lobster thing is now confused.  It has a full tummy, and is watching the circus before it, I mean, usually you have to pay good money for a meal AND a show, but this seems to be the lobster thingy’s day.

Shari says, “I will wrestle around in the cloak to see what is outside.”  She rolls another one.

Now the odds of rolling a single 1 on a 20 sided dice is 1 in 20.

The odds of rolling a 1 on a 20 sided dice twice in a row is 1 in 400.  Actually, that isn’t very impressive, since the odds of rolling a 1 on a 20 sided dice once, then rolling another number, say a five on the second roll is also 1 in 400.

But the odds of rolling a 1 on a 20 sided dice three times in a row is 1 in 8,000.  That is pretty awesome.  This just doesn’t happen very often.  Now it is not abnormal to roll three separate numbers in a row on a 20 sided dice.  It also isn’t abnormal to roll under your target number three times in a row.  But to roll a 1 three times in a row, is pretty awesome.  Not as awesome as rolling a 20 three times in a row, but still pretty awesome.

So Shari still has absolutely no idea where she is.  The water is murky, and cold.  The cloak is pulled down to the grating.  When the cloak touches the grating, it starts to clog the holes, and the stream starts rising in the bank.

Then Shari has a moment of inspiration, tap the cloak.  When she taps the cloak, it disappears with  the grate.  When the grate disappears (with the cloak), the stream no longer has a limiting factor of the orifices,  so the stream drains down.  Now, I was hoping that Shari would continue rolling ones, so she would be sucked down, but on her strength roll to keep from being sucked down into the pipe, Shari rolls a natural 20.

Now the odds of rolling three ones in a row, followed by a natural  20 are 1 in 160,000, which also happen to be the exact same odds of rolling four 1’s in a row.  Fortunately for Shari, she rolled the 20 instead of the 1.  Shari is able to hold on while the water drains quickly into the pipe.

Now the purpose of putting a 4-ft X 4-ft grate that is 4-inches thick is to provide a situation where the party is not able to go that particular way.  It is commonly called a “red herring”, or in this case, probably should be called a “red crawdad”.  The party of goblins managed to turn the situation in a way that I was unprepared for.

I had set up another side adventure, where the goblins would continue through the forest, and find a natural low spot which was previously used to channel down a party of adventurers, where the adventurers were attacked, then the attackers were all killed by something which had ripped them in half and sucked their guts out.  Mixed among the dead adventurers and bandits was a host of usable weapons, swords, spears, daggers, armor, etc.  All good stuff.  I figured that it was time to give the goblins some good weapons.

But the party decided to dive into the pipe.  The lobster thing lunges after the party, but it is too big.

Now, I have to improvise.  Normally, the game sessions with goblins are almost all improvisation, but I have a general list of things that tie together.  The list is like:

  1. Party finds wall
    1. let the party do what they want to
  2. Party finds stream
    1. Stream ends at wall
    2. Heavy grate at bottom, no way through
    3. Chuul attacks, page 40 of the monster manual
  3. Party finds…

It is probably pretty close to most porn movie scripts.  You know broad brush strokes of plotlines to allow the actors to show off their natural and surgically enhanced talents…

  1. Well muscled man with amazing hair and several pound and a half russet potatoes stuffed in his underpants approaches door with pizza box
  2. Scantily clad woman with perfect makeup, and a body showing she has never eaten pizza opens the door…
  3. Man’s jeans miraculously have velcro seams, and are able to be pulled off in a single tug
  4. boom chika wow music starts

The next porn movie filmed that day on the same set has a similar script…

  1. Well muscled man with amazing hair and several pound and a half russet potatoes stuffed in his underpants approaches door with pizza box Fed Ex package
  2. Scantily clad woman with perfect makeup, and a body showing she has never eaten pizza opens the door…
  3. Man’s jeans miraculously have velcro seams, and are able to be pulled off in a single tug
  4. boom chika wow music starts

The next porn movie filmed that day on the same set has a similar script…

  1. Well muscled man with amazing hair and several pound and a half russet potatoes stuffed in his underpants approaches door with pizza box Fed Ex Amazon Prime package 
  2. Scantily clad woman with perfect makeup, and a body showing she has never eaten pizza opens the door…
  3. Man’s jeans miraculously have velcro seams, and are able to be pulled off in a single tug
  4. boom chika wow music starts

or the final script of any Expendables movie

  1. Sylvester Stalone shows off muscles
  2. Jason Stratham throws a knife
  3. Dolf Lundgren drinks liquor from flask and looks really bad
  4. Joke made at Randy Coutoure’s expense
  5. Surprise guest has-been action hero shows up, says outdated catch phrase
  6. Lots of gunfire
  7. Old action heros do their own stunts, breaking various bones in real life
  8. Things explode
  9. Sylvester Stalone and Jason Stratham fly plane to the horizon

It is truly amazing that those nine things can be made into an entire movie franchise.

Actually, the same basic plot device can be used to describe any movie in the Bruce Willis Die Hard franchise…

  1. Sylvester Stalone Bruce Willis shows off muscles
  2. Jason Stratham throws Bruce Willis shoots a knife gun
  3. Dolf Lundgren drinks liquor from flask Bruce Willis winces in pain and looks really bad
  4. Joke made at Randy Coutoure’s Bruce Willis’ ex wife expense
  5. Surprise guest has-been action hero shows up, Bruce Willis says outdated catch phrase
  6. Lots of gunfire
  7. Stunt doubles for old action heros do their own stunts, breaking various bones in real life requiring bucketfulls of makeup on prima donna stars to simulate gore and bodily damage
  8. Things explode
  9. Sylvester Stalone and Jason Stratham fly plane to the horizon Bad guy falls slow motion from great height making “O” face

how-the-die-hard-director-tricked-alan-rickman-into-making-the-best-scene-of-his-career

Wow, I think I missed my calling.  I bet I could create  a 9 point script for just about any action movie that would sell Yuge numbers of tickets.  It would be Biggly!

The point here is that the Party took it even more off the rails than normal.  Also, I have proven to myself that the Expendables and Die Hard franchises of movies are infinitely more complex than an average porn movie.  But then again, that isn’t saying much.

lim3a

In fact, the general plot lines of the Goblin Adventures can be traced back to the profit plan for the Underpants Gnomes of South Park.

In this case, I rely on the players to determine phase 2.  Aaaaaand boy do they determine phase 2.

But I digress, a lot I guess.

So the Party goes down in the pipe.  It is about 3-ft diameter, and now that the grate with orifices is gone, the water drains down so that it is running a few inches deep in the pipe.  Now, as a side note, some poor civil engineer had to figure out the size of the orifices, along with determining the static flow needed to keep the stream at the same level.  All Shari did was put the cloak on the grate, pat it, and it was gone.  This shows the difference between accountants and engineers.

Engineers take time to make sure that things are the way that they are supposed to be, and the accountants come by and say “This is not the reality that I want”, then throw the entire project under the bus.

The party continues down the pipe, and it ends up in a room that is about 20-ft X 20-ft X 10-ft high, and the entire floor is a metal grate which allows water to flow through.  On the side of the wall is a panel with glyphs and buttons on it.

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Now, giving a panel like this to a bunch of goblins is like having one of the busy bee toys to a bunch of one year olds.

sq-4w_2

You get the idea.  They were really busy pushing buttons, turning knobs, trying to break it.  Shari and Brian kept trying to dissemble it, or pick locks with a fish bone, dog bone or whatever.

Eventually, they gave up and tried to pry open the door.  It took them a little while, as they had to turn a handle, then figure out to pull to the side.  Eric was getting a little pissy with me, after he turned the handle, and said “I pull it towards me”, nothing happens.  “I push it away from me” , nothing happens.  Then he tried pushing it up, nothing happens.  He tried pulling it down, nothing happens.  Then he went back to pulling towards him.  After a while, he finally tried pulling it to the side, and the door opened.  He got pissy about that.  Oh well, he is a computer programmer in real life.  I can’t help it if he doesn’t try the Star Trek whooshing door routine, where the door slides to the side.  I mean, how can a guy who wears shirts that say cool things like “There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t” be unable to remember that in science fiction, doors always slide sideways, and occasionally go “shh shh”.

So the party enters a long wide hall that is brightly lit.  The hall walls, ceiling and floor are all gloss white.  There are three doors, one is blue, one is orange, and the final one is black.  The doors are 10-ft wide, 10-ft tall.  There is a corpse at the far end of the hall.  The corpse is desiccated and has died a long time ago.  Any gore associated with the purification of the body has long since dried up.  The clothes on the corpse are rotted away.  The only thing that is remaining on the corpse is a bracelet with multiple colors, black, blue, orange, and white.

Now, Eric goes over and gets the bracelet off the corpse, thinking it was pretty.  Brian wants to use the bracelet to open doors.  How Brian’s goblin came to the realization that the colored bracelet I don’t know.  I described it more as the Chi Chi Rodriquez magnet energy band bracelet.

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Somehow, Brian’s goblin automatically understood what to do with this bauble, without metagaming.  Now Sue was upset.  Her goblin is way smarter than Brian’s goblin.  Sue didn’t understand how Brian’s goblin would know what to do with the bracelet without the awesome power of metagaming.

I think Sue’s goblin was just jealous.

Eventually, the party tried to put the bracelet against one of the doors, and it opened.  Beyond the orange door was a large room filled floor to ceiling with grey boxes.  Brian wanted to know what was in the boxes, if there was any writing on the boxes…

Now, the goblins are all but illiterate.  This is booyahg that nobody in the room has ever seen.  There is no way that the goblins would know that these boxes had anything.  But in the middle of the floor was a smashed open box, and inside was a huge pile of tens of thousands of these, spilling out of the broken cargo box

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The pile had a huge number of these things, whatever they are.  Mike decided that these were china scratchers.  Many other names were thrown around.

I actually cheated a little.  I had wanted to have the bin to be full of sporks.  I really can’t think of anything less useful for a group of goblins than handfuls of sporks.

spork

Unfortunately, I forgot to pick up a handful of sporks from Muchas Gracias on my way to game.  I got my burrito, but I didn’t grab a spork.  So when the time came, I searched around Dice Age Games for an item that no goblin would find a use for.  Dice Age has a couple of tooth brushes by the sink.  These are used by gamers to clean their models with soapy water before priming them.  The toothbrushes, soapy water and a little elbow grease get rid of the release agent that is used on the model molds to get the plastic out of the molds.

Well, I hope that Roy keeps the toothbrushes there for that reason.  If he is using them for personal hygiene… ahem.

Now the party figures out that after the person with the wrist band goes through the door, the door closes behind them.  They don’t know enough to count heads from one room to another, so people start getting left behind, Collin is the first one to be left with the corpse.

Everyone wants to break into the containers.  Brian asks what they look like.  I describe the latching and door system on a shipping container.

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Brian and Shari try to pick the padlocks on the doors.  Now all they have is a fishbone and a dog bone.  They seem disapointed that I am not letting them break into the shipping container.  I don’t see why.  I gave them hundreds of thousands of toothbrushes..

After a while, Eric, Brian and Sue go over to the other orange door.  In the next room are more large boxes along with two yellow and black monsters.

forklift-hero-left

 

Now, Brian uses the magic of metagaming to know what to do with these monsters.  Sue and Eric are having none of this nonsense.  They bully Brian out of the way and try to figure out what makes these monsters work.  It takes a while, but they are attracted to two rabbits feet with a disk on them.

rabbits-foot-keychain-2

The rabbits must have been magical, since purple and green rabbits don’t exist where the goblins come from.  After some experimentation, Sue and Eric figure out that the metal thing goes into a hole, and Sue is able to get the monster purring.  Eric is not able to get his purring.  Sue is able to get the teeth of the monster to move up, down, tilt forward and backwards, along with moving the teeth in and out.  She isn’t able to get it to move forward.  She does realize that when she turns the big wheel, there is a groaning / hissing sound from behind and below her.

Sue has one of her minions push down on the big black things , and the purring gets louder, then quieter.  The monster won’t move.  Sue tries to get down, and as she gets down, the monster lurches forward and runs into the door, teeth first, impaling one of the orange doors.

They open the other door, and find the rest of the goblins in various states of shenanigans.

The party continues to explore the dungeon.  The well lit halls and rooms, full of bright shiny white walls, ceilings, and floors is particularly troublesome to the goblins.  Nothing good ever comes out of clean areas.

The party moves on, finds a room with long corridors, and long wires strung up, holding pieces of parchment.

sw_5_web

Mike and Eric figure out that this is a room for entertainment.  Mike goes up and over the low wall, and discovers a switch that makes the paper go back and forth.  Brian tears off a corner of the parchment from one of the pieces hanging down.

The next room has rows of monster sized beds, with clean (shudder) blankets and small boxes near the cots.  Inside the boxes are two pull out drawers, each with an assortment of interesting items.  The goblins find arm warmers, long tubes of cloth, that are sewn closed on one end.

The goblins find monster sized shirts, pants, some nice long webbed belts, and even better, there are tubes of squishy stuff that smell particularly nasty, a paste that smells of mint, (shudder).

Eric proceeds to work the minty paste into his hair, then tries to get it into the other goblin’s hair.

At this point, Brian wants to check out one door that is in a room which is very dry and hot.  Eric walks up with Brian, opens the door, and Brian goes out into a hot dry desert, while Eric leaves him outside, and the door shuts.

Brian starts walking.  He sees a painted wall that looks like it stretches onto desert for ever to one side, and to the other side, he sees sand, scrub, rocks and no water.

Cut back to the mayhem in the barracks.  The goblins are working hard to trash everything in the barracks.  They jump on beds, pull up blankets, and generally create mayhem.

The last room that they investigate is even more interesting.  There are several small booths, some with solid doors, some with almost clear doors.  In the middle is a bench with several basins.

This blog post is getting rather long, so I will keep the description of the mayhem in the bathroom brief.

Suffice it to say…

Eric got a swirly from Shari in a toilet bowl, and in the process was jet infused with blue pine smelling liquid.  Eric then returned the favor to Shari.  Eric liked the nice smelling blue pine smell, Shari didn’t.

Eric discovered showers.  The showers included some nice smelling liquid in tubes.the nice smelling liquid is gooshy, and smells like berries.  It foams up nicely also.

Shari has taken the wristband by this time, and has effectively locked much of the party in the latrine.  She demands shiny in order to open up the door.  Eric takes some of the nice smelling gooshy stuff and shoots it under the door.  Things go from bad to worse when Mike breaks down a water spigot, and water fountains into the air, starting to fill the room with water.  This causes shiny bubbles all over the place.

Eric convinces everyone including the goat to take a bite of the nice lavender smelling treats he found in the latrine.  This gives everyone the runs, but not quite yet.

Shari breaks a spring out of one of the cots, and goes back to the room with all of the containers, and tries to pick the lock.  She is not impressed that her lockpick is not working, even though the wire is four times the diameter of the widest part of the lock.

Long story short, the party ends up stepping out into the sand, ready for next week.

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