It was a TPK. And it wasn’t pretty. We played Gamma World 7th Ed again yesterday. Everyone was chuffed, since everyone was now 3rd level. Woot, new things to do, new ways to cause mayhem.
Not so much.
Maybe not at all.
Well, to be fair, it was not a good thing for the party. They lurched into the adventure and got glicked. Badly. There were some high parts, and there were a lot of parts where the party wished they were high, just to take the edge off the pain.
So what happened? Once again, with this group, it is kind of hard to explain. Strategy? Nope. Tactics? Nope. Bull running into the danger, not really. More of a whimpering death to be honest.
It all started out with Mike bringing Dungeon Fantasy (powered by GURPS) characters to the game.
Now, being called Dungeon Fantasy powered by GURPS reminds of Idiocracy, brought to you by Carl’s Jr.
By the way, if you haven’t seen Idiocracy, go see it now. It is one of the best distopian future movies, ever. If you haven’t figured out my politics by now, I firmly believe that this is where we are headed.
Every great society only lasts for so long. After some point, great societies collapse for a variety of reasons. The USA has been a great society for some time. It could be argued that we have been great since the dawn of the 20th century, or since sometime after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. In any event, we are now political bogged down, and being run by a failed business man, who seems happy in his role of acting as a loose cannon while destroying our relationships with the other countries in the world.
At least when President Reagan pushed his Star Wars agenda and his saber rattling, there was a pretty obvious reason behind it. With President Trump, it seems that all he wants to do is be chaotic and change things, no matter how well or badly they were working before he became president. It also doesn’t’ seem to matter to President Trump how many people are affected by his decisions, good or bad.
Wait… I am getting away from gaming, and into politics. I need to keep focused. This is extremely hard when I see news clips like this…
Let’s not pay attention to his callous comparison of the loss of life and terrible conditions in Puerto Rico, to Hurricane Katrina. Let’s not pay attention to the fact that while the three previous presidents showed empathy to the survivors and victims of other natural disasters, President Trump is doing three point shots with paper towels. Jesus fucking Christ, how is it that this country elected this dildo?
and while I am watching the news clip above, I can’t help but see this:
and I keep waiting for the press conference where Trump does the Philly Phanatic dance like this with one of the reporters from Fox news:
So, will I get back on track about gaming, or will I continue to show you disturbing possible futures? Probably both.
Calling President Trump a dildo is not right. You see, a dildo has some purpose, albeit one that probably should remain in the privacy of a home. I am amazed that Donald Trump is the best that the Republican Party provided for the election.
Now, they didn’t really have a dream team to start with. I mean, look at some of the others that the Republican party also ran.
- Ted Cruz
- Ben Carson
- Chris Christie
- Rick Santorum
- Mike Huckabee
- Rick Perry
- Scott Walker
Woo! There is a bunch of not so greats also.
Now Mike is going to run a Dungeon Fantasy powered by GURPS campaign next week. I have chosen a half ogre character. She is not very smart. I think that I will need to troll the Internet and find some really great quotes and fantasies that one of these candidates believed in and use it as some taglines for my character.
If I select Ben Carson, then I could say things like:
- “My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain. Now all the archaeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big if you stop and think about it. And I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time to store that much grain,”
- “I think the likelihood of Hitler being able to accomplish his goals would have been greatly diminished if the people had been armed, I’m telling you, there is a reason these dictatorial people take the guns first.”
- “This is a general pattern that you see before tyranny occurs. There are many countries where that has occurred where they disarm the populace before they impose their tyrannical rule. That’s not a rare situation and that’s something that we don’t want to ever even think about”
If I model the character off of Ted Cruz, I can say things like:
- “Last I checked, we don’t have a rubber shortage in America. Look, when I was in college, we had a machine in the bathroom, you put 50 cents in and voila.”
- “The world is on fire! Yes! Your world is on fire!”
- “Always be sexy, I salute that message.”
- “When Americans tried it, they discovered they did not like green eggs and ham and they did not like Obamacare either. They did not like Obamacare in a box with a fox, in a house or with a mouse.”
- “If standing for liberty and standing for the Constitution make you a wacko bird, then you can count me a very proud wacko bird.”
and then if I model the character off Rick Perry… I can say things like:
- “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that – and I look at the homosexual issue the same way,”
- “I will tell you: It’s three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, Education and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see. … OK. So Commerce, Education and the — … The third agency of government I would — I would do away with the Education, the … Commerce and — let’s see — I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.”
- “The reason that we fought the [American] Revolution in the 16th century — was to get away from that kind of onerous crown, if you will.”
- “You can always follow me on Tweeter.”
- “I am a firm believer in intelligent design as a matter of faith and intellect, and I believe it should be presented in schools alongside the theories of evolution.”
Now, you might say “Why, Rob, would you model your low IQ half ogre character off of a Republican presidential candidate? Why not? What better source of moronic quotes could I use?
I know, you are going to point at the Democratic candidates, and say “But they say stupid things too.” Yes, you are right. All people are capable of being stupid. It doesn’t matter what your background is, you all have the opportunity to say or do something stupid, or be filmed doing something stupid.
Then there is this.
and, not to be outdone in the corndog fellatio contest, Rick Perry had to also stand up and be counted when it mattered.
Yup… Consider his quotes on the issue…
“Even if an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol once it enters his body, he still makes a choice to drink. And, even if someone is attracted to a person of the same sex, he or she still makes a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the same gender.”
Evidently, (P)Rick (with the silent P), has decided that he will not engage in sexual activity with the gender he really wants, but has been practicing on corndogs in case he ever changes his mind.
Now, I have nothing against homosexuality. Really. What I have a problem with is self important twats making decisions for millions of people who think that they are right because they have deluded themselves.
Jeez, All this because of Mike wanting to run Dungeon Fantasy, powered by GURPS. Thanks Mike.
So you might be wondering… OK, I get the politics thing. After all, but what is with the corndog thing?
Glad you asked.
You see, for the last couple of weeks, Collin has been bringing corndogs to the gaming table. This week, he had corndogs and summer rolls. That caused some conversation about phallic shaped food. It got very immature very quickly, not surprisingly.
We also showed this video to Jirimiah.
I haven’t mentioned Jirimiah much in the last few weeks. He has been really busy at work. Generally, he doesn’t have a lot of time to deal with our antics. And, I figure that I want to lull him into a sense of control over the group before we go batshit insane on him again.
But until then, we plan.
I am taking the next week off of work. Nothing big is going on, I just wanted to get some recharge time. I have minis to paint, books to read, dogs to hang out with. Molly is working, kids are in school. I would have preferred to take some time off when they were all here, but the summer was insane at work.
I have been looking into taking some Dungeon Fantasy books to Office Depot and having them printed out. It looks like I can get the 32 page PDF files printed out in a black and white printed saddle stitch binding, with a heavy cardboard cover and 24 pound paper for about $5 apiece. Likewise, it looks like I can have five of the 32 page books bound together into a hardbound book for about $30. I am not sure which is better. I will probably do the individual saddle stitch files, since binding a bunch of files together may be a bit of a pain.
I like having the PDF files, but I like paper copies better. The PDF files are good for doing word searches on, especially for books like the Gamma World 7th Edition, where the index sucks eggs. If you have the PDF files, you can do a keyword search and hopefully find the thing you are looking for better.
However, I like paper copies to play with. I can put markers into the book and flip back and forth between pages as necessary.
I looked at Lulu, and that had promise, but they really want you to print a bunch of copies of the same book. I am doing this to print out copies of PDF files that I own, and am not looking to create a copyright problem. I just want to have a physical copy for the table play.
So where was I? Oh yes… TPK
Well, we weren’t playing Call of Cthulhu, but it was not too far from this.
The party had a pretty hard thing to do. They entered a chamber about 100-ft across, and about 80-ft wide.
At the entry door, there was a 2 square by 2 square flat area, everything else sloped down towards the center of the room. In the center of the room was a complete “wall” of laser lights, the entire width of the room, and 15-ft deep, going from floor to ceiling.
Wow, another kill box. That is so surprising for Gamma World 7th Edition.
Eric goes first. He picks one of the mechanical rats from Mikes rat swarm, and throws it down towards the center of the room, into the laser beams. With a huge flash, the rat is cooked, and Mike takes some serious damage.
Hmmm. What to do, what to do?
Collin and Brian enter the room. They stay on the 10-ft X 10-ft flat area by the door. They try to pop off some attacks, and miss the bad guys.
By this time, they realize that there are three floating robots, and three rabbit looking things across the room. There is also a console on the far side of the room. The rabbit looking things have guns.
Now, Shari is all excited, since she likes rabbits. But these guys are pretty nasty.
The robots go, and all three shoot rockets at Brian and Collin. They hit, and Brian is dead. Down. Not dead / dead, just below 0 hit points. Collin isn’t doing so well either. Brian looks stunned. He got to move into the room, and then die. One freaking turn.
In all fairness, he got to raise his character to third level, then enter the room, then die.
Well, it is Gamma World, and shit happens badly a lot.
Eric came into the room, and tried to do something that would help the party. It didn’t go well. When the party members stepped onto the slippery downsloped floor, they had to make an acrobatics check (not an athletics check), and in many cases, they failed the check. Now in many cases in Gamma World, the players have paired statistics, so they can choose the better of them for the player at that time. For example, in many cases, the character can choose to take the better of athletics or acrobatics. Acrobatics is dex based. Athletics is str based. This means that a player usually can either muscle through (using str) the task, or try to finesse their way through (using dex)
However, in this case, it was only acrobatics. Were you dexterous enough to keep from falling prone and sliding downhill? That didn’t work well for several of the players.
Everyone moved into the room, and Shari had an idea. She was going to slide down the slippery floor to the center and start working her way up the other side.
Two things happened that screwed the party with this.
First, Shari slid into the 15-ft deep laser zone which triggered the lasers going off and blasting everything within a 5-square area of Shari with laser beams. Several players made their saves, but people got hammered.
Then, since Shari was going to start her turn in the laser trigger area, she was going to continue to harm everyone nearby. Well, to be fair, she wasn’t going to harm everyone nearby. Her inability to roll a decent d20 roll to get out of the slippery area was going to do that.
The battle went on. The hoops fired guns. The robots flew around and fired rockets, and shocked the players. One by one, the players went down.
Then one of the players had a moment of inspiration. I don’t remember if it was Collin, Eric or Sue, but it definitely wan’t Mike / Sarah. At least I hope it wasn’t Mike / Sarah.
One of the players had the ability to dominate creatures, and managed to convince one of the robots that the robot should go to the console and turn off the laser beams. Great idea.
Then Mike / Sarah decided to kill one of the robots. They chose the one with the pretty grey / purple swirly dice on it as a marker. It happened to be the one that was dominated to try to turn off the lasers at the console. Oops.
That was when things really started going bad. The party had a chance at this point. They were getting soaked, but except for Brian, no one was dead dead. Over the next few rounds, Sue went through the laser zone, and managed to get across without killing herself, but some of the players, and some of the bad guys. She went up to try to work on the console, and didn’t make good science rolls. It was kind of sad. Really, I want the adventures to be hard for the party, but not TPK’s.
In the end, things got worse and worse. It was down to an attrition war, but the party kept hitting the center zone, triggering the lasers. Too many party members were within the 5 squares of the trigger area of the lasers, so they kept getting hammered.
It also didn’t help Eric out, when I counted from the trigger zone out, and figured that Eric was outside of the five square area, then Collin, just to be fair, counted the squares in a different way, and found that Eric was fully inside the five square area. To be fair, that was Collin’s doing, not the DM’s doing.
Then one of the party decided to use their Omega power, and pull the remaining robot into the laser zone. Not sure why. When the robot was pulled by Sue, she got an attack of opportunity, which hit, but then the robot went into the laser zone and did more nasty damage to everyone when the lasers shot at everything in the room. The lasers really sucked corndogs for the party. After all, you aren’t “dead dead” until you have been reduced to negative bloodied hit points.
In essence, you may start out with 40 HP, and your bloodied value is half that, 20 HP. You go unconscious if you are reduced to 0 or fewer HP, but you are still “alive”. You don’t die die until you go to -20 HP in this example.
Your mileage may vary, depending on your total HP.
Because the damn lasers kept going off, the characters under 0 hit points who were laying around hoping to come back and be revived, were killed dead dead.
It was really a TPK. No resurrection allowed.
In the end, the hoops killed off Sue before she could activate the console to turn off the lasers. Then the two surviving hoops went all stormtrooper on Collin, the last “surviving” member of the party. Collin was holding out on the entry platform of the adventure, trying to figure out how to get across and save the day. The hoops were terrible shots, but they eventually plinked him down.
It was horrible, but fun. People laughed, carried on, and made very inappropriate comments.
Next week, we get to play Dungeon Fantasy, powered by GURPS, with Mike running the game. He may regret that.
Mike is having us play the pregens in the box. I selected a female half ogre. The female half ogre has a base INT of 9. I asked Mike if I could lower that to 7, since it is a half ogre barbarian, who will probably be modeled after Rick Perry or maybe Michelle Bachman. I mean, if I model her after Michelle Bachman, I can say things like:
- “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in the spending.”
- “Our movement at its core is an intellectual movement.”
- Which I would probably change to:
- “Our bowel movement at its core is an intellectual movement.”
- “Why should I go and do something like that? But the Lord says, ‘Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands.”
- “If we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.”
- “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?”
- “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
- “Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”
- “I will tell you that I had a mother last night come up to me here in Tampa, Florida, after the debate. She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter.”
- “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. … I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly — men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”
- “I was very proud of the fact that I didn’t get anything wrong that I said during the course of the debates.”
I mean, with gold like this, I can have some serious fun. And most importantly of all, no one can accuse me of playing the character so stupidly that it is unrealistic.
I remember when I was a kid, Boris S Wort was on the J P Patches show.
Boris was a mean, bad guy. He did horrible things to J P like steal his Esmeralda doll, and slam J P into the door.
Being a kid who grew up in Seattle in the 1970’s, I loved the J P Patches show.
Anyhow, Boris S Wort was the second worst man in the world. This is because he realized that someone was always trying to be the 1st meanest man in the world. Boris was happy being the 2nd meanest man in the world, since no one wanted to compete to be the 2nd meanest man, and all of the competition was to be the actual meanest man in the world.
Then there is one of my absolute favorite musicians, John Doe, from X and other bands, singing about the actual meanest man in the world.
So what does all of this have to do with being a half ogre barbarian?
Well, I don’t have to play her as the dumbest moron in the world. Given what Michelle Bachman, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, Pat Robertson and a whole host of others say regularly, I can play her as about the 1,000’s dumbest morons in the world. There is so much competition for dragging the lowest of the low, and worst of the worst, and evidently the dumbest of the dumb, I can safely play her at least a standard deviation above the lowest point, and still appear to be suitably low IQ.